Sh*t. It’s Swimsuit Season.

After making it through my first Virginia winter, I am embracing the warmer months with open arms, despite locals saying winter up here wasn’t winter at all.

Anytime I have to walk outside wearing ear warmers, two pairs of leggings, a goose-down jacket that covers my thighs, and two pairs of gloves, I’d consider that winter. 

I kicked summer off a bit early with my recent trip to Bethany Beach, but my current bathing suit was a bit meh. So I decided for my upcoming trip to the beach, a new suit was in order.

Honestly, anything involving shopping makes me fall asleep. I absolutely cannot stand shopping. Luckily, I discovered ThredUp which I’ve used a couple of times, but even then I can’t make myself sift through pages of clothes. Talk about boring.


I found myself tirelessly searching the Internet for a bathing suit that is cute, affordable, and won’t accidentally encourage a nip slip. That might slide in Europe, but not here in Trump’s America. 

Here are some thoughts I have while shopping for swimwear:

  1. Why does every high-waisted bikini come in the style of pinup?
    Don’t get me wrong, this is a style a lot of people embrace, as they should (I mean, this gal right here is rocking it), but it isn’t everyone’s style. Just because I want to cover a bit of my tummy doesn’t mean I also want pin curls, bright red lips, and straight across bangs. I mean, have you seen my face? It is round.
  2. What in the actual hell is this?
    Screen Shot 2017-05-25 at 1.42.28 PM
    I searched Amazon for “funny one piece swimsuits” and THIS appeared. The only funny thing about this is its attempt to hold all of your lady bits in as you prance around the beach like the vacationing babe you are. Also, “Roll over image to zoom in”??? I will not! There’s barely anything there! What’s going on, Amazon!
  3. I love the idea of a not-so-typical bathing suit, but crochet?
    Screen Shot 2017-05-25 at 1.35.12 PMThis is a crocheted bathing suit. Like, warm. As in I’m-wearing-a-wool-sweater-during-Louisiana-Christmas warm. But how cute are the little tassel things on the bottom and the fluttery sleeves? Does anyone know where I can find something similar that isn’t made directly of sheep’s wool?
  4. This one was described as “high neck high-waisted,” but…
    Screen Shot 2017-05-25 at 1.35.44 PM
    I CAN’T EVEN SEE SAID SWIMSUIT BECAUSE THIS LOVELY WOMAN IS WEARING A ROBE OVER IT. Why does this always happen? Is this modesty or fashion? What is this? Also, where the hell was the picture taken because I want to go. I also really like her haircut.
  5. These shorts are the actual cutest things I have ever seen.
    Screen Shot 2017-05-25 at 1.36.00 PM
    One, it’s palm print. If you’ve been on my Instagram or bugged my apartment, you’d notice I’ve been all about the palm trees and pineapples lately. I also LOVE a good high-waisted, cheeky short. I just really love this one, and I love her hairstyle, and I bet she’d be a really awesome gal pal, but this swimsuit is over $300. I AM SORRY BUT WHAT. That is a car payment. That is two pair of Hunter rainboots. That is a shit ton of truffles from Godiva.



Ladies of the Internet world, come forth with your swimsuit shopping tips. Where are your favorite places to shop for swimwear? What brands do you love most? More importantly, what do you wear that makes you feel like a badass beach bitch or a Triple B, as I made up just now like to call it?

Share with me on my social channels or comment here!

Ain’t gonna lie though, this one is totally in my shopping cart:

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Aka, I really need your help.

Peace, love, and summertime blessings.

A Lady in Need

What do you think?