The Comparison Trap

Being a girl isn’t easy.

I bet that’s the first time any of you have heard that before, am I right? *high fives self* I AM ONTO SOMETHING HERE.

Being a girl in a world with a specific image of how a girl should be is. not. easy.

Have you ever found yourself shuffling through Instagram looking at pictures of women who seem to always have the perfect blowout, stark white teeth, and Barbie pink manicures that look as though they literally just left the nail salon?

What is that? Is that real?

Most of the time, I can convince myself that they’re just all dolled up for show. You know, for social media, because social media IS REAL, even though it’s the farthest thing from it.

So maybe one thinks that if they look like they have their sh-t together all of the time, then they must.

Makes sense.

Until you run into one of them on the street while you’re walking your dog, and you have a moment of, “Wow, these people do actually exist.”

“Hi, excuse me. I’m sorry…”


“Could I borrow one of your poop bags? I seem to have run out,” she says as she flashes her pearly white teeth.

“Yeah, sure. No problem.”

“Thank you so much! Agh! What a thing to run out of!”

“I know, right?”

Maybe I’ve just been embracing the workout clothes look a little too often lately (what can I say, it’s as hot as Satan’s cuddles outside), but I was actually surprised to see this girl with perfectly blown out hair, pearly white teeth, and a fresh manicure (Barbie pink, nonetheless) walking her dog on this HOT AS HADES DAY wearing Kate Spade sandals and worse, jeans. Aka a prison for your thighs.



Let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with putting yourself together and making sure you’re well kempt. I wash my hair at least four times a week and my nails are spot on 90% of the time, because it aggravates me when I see chips in my polish or when my mutant cuticles start growing like toddlers. But if there’s one thing that I hate doing every single day, it’s putting on makeup, finding the perfect outfit, and making sure my hair is clean enough to where I don’t look completely unkempt but dirty enough to hold a curl.

I just don’t have time for that, and by that I mean I just don’t care.

But should I care?

Should I wash my hair everyday? I laughed typing that question, because #nevergonnahappen, but still. I think about that sometimes.

Are there people out there who truly sleep in pajama sets and pearls with a perfect topknot smelling of Chanel 5? Is that a thing?

If so, I am doing this all wrong, because we are lucky if my pajamas even match over here. Seriously, I rotate between two pairs of pajamas shorts and various t-shirts I steal from my boyfriend’s drawer. My favorites are the Jurassic Park and the Les Mis ones because they’re huge and comfortable and don’t have any lace on them anywhere.

I’m envious of men daily for their low maintenance self-care routine. Men can shower and walk out of the door and look like themselves. If I just showered and walked out the door, my hair would be an unruly half-straight, half-curled disaster as it started drying, and I’d probably run into the nearest grocery for a beet to rub on my lips and cheeks for some color to make me look alive.

It’s strange how other people can make us feel weird about ourselves.

Kate Spade sandal girl made me think about my lack of hair products the entire duration of my dog’s walk. Y’all, I shampoo and condition. That’s it. Want to know why?

Because that’s all I want to do.

As you grow older, one of two things happen.

  1. You become solid in who you are and how you live your life. You embrace your day old hair, you go makeup free for a week because it’s good to give your skin a break, you eat cheeseburger sliders and fries because you’re hungry and you want it, even though you seem to have been eating all day. But you do it all, and you embrace it, because you are you.


  2. You compare yourself to anyone and everyone you come in contact with and try to mold yourself into this human that you think you should be but don’t want to be.

The decision seems easy enough, doesn’t it?

The trick is that it’s not.

Though there is nothing wrong with being the Kate Spade sandal girl, there is also nothing wrong with being a more rough around the edges girl. Just how I’m surprised to find that people like her exist, I’m equally as surprised to find that people who do not shower regularly exist.

I’m somewhere in the middle, and that’s okay with me.

Wherever you are is okay too.

And sometimes it’s okay to fall into the comparison trap, because after you spend twenty minutes researching name brand sandals, you can take a step back and exhale a sigh of relief because 1) you’re okay with not having the shoes and 2) you’re okay with someone else having them…and wearing them as she walks her dog on this hot as hades day.

But as she doesn’t know my life, I don’t know her’s. I could’ve been coming back from the gym, she could’ve been going to after-work cocktail hour.

Falling into the comparison trap is the easiest thing we, as women, can do, but it’s also the most absurd.

We are all different. You can respect someone without agreeing with someone. You can be cordial towards someone without necessarily getting along. You can wear your yoga pants while existing in a world of fresh manicures and Ralph Lauren jeans.

You can.

And you will.

And sometimes you’ll say, “Why don’t I dress like that?” And you’ll try, but then you’ll quickly remember that drop waists don’t work for your hourglass shape, so you’ll move on from that idea.  You might detest a long, leaned-frame woman for a minute, but as soon as you put your yoga pants back on, you’ll embrace your booty.

Love what you’ve got.

Be okay with not having what you don’t.

And if you really and truly want it, you can find it on Amazon and get that ish to your house in two days.

As easy as it is to compare yourself to someone else, it’s easier to let it go and just enjoy being you.

Because there’s only one.

And it can’t be ordered on Amazon.

the comparison trap

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Question of the Day!

Have you ever compared yourself to someone, even though you don’t want what they have? What are some ways you combat those negative thoughts?



  1. July 26, 2016 / 7:56 am

    Brilliant! I loved this 🙂 “y’all I shampoo and condition” for real, the lack of hair products… I get it.

    • August 11, 2016 / 8:34 am

      Yes!! You get me. Shampoo once. No repeat. And condition if I feel like it. Whatevs. What is thermal protectant anyway? Haha.

  2. Chelsea Kessenich (orgeron)
    August 10, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    You are brilliant! I have always admired you for being such a sweet and caring person. Keep it up chica. I’ll continue to follow your blog, too!

    • August 11, 2016 / 8:33 am

      You are the SWEETEST. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It means the whole wide world. Keep being an awesome and fierce lady and mama to those beautiful kiddos! <3

  3. August 14, 2016 / 3:41 pm

    Lovely words of encouragement. You surely have your head on straight, and this is definitely something we all need to hear! Thank youuu. <3

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