Employment Empowerment (and also all of my woes)

Alright, guys and gals. Here I am dropping my guard and my pride and asking the universe for assistance, clarity, money to rain down onto my head, etc.

Here I am being human.

I need a new path. Like big time.

New path, new job, new running shoes, everything.

Right now, if someone asked me to describe myself, I would say that I am a teacher, a writer, a sometimes actor, and a purveyor of laughter. Sounds dandy, except that it’s not.

If you’ve read previous posts from me, you can conclude that I don’t really like teaching, but I’m here to alter that slightly. I don’t really like teaching where I am teaching and the majority of who I am teaching.

Give me the kids who love theatre, learning lines, and writing journal entries, and I will teach them seven hours a day, five days a week. What I’ve got right now is a different story. I’ve got kids (some, not all) who are unmotivated in just about every life pursuit, except eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and  Skittles. Don’t get me wrong, they are delicious treats, but maybe feed your mind a little and read something? Memorize your lines for me? Help me get to the end of the school year without jumping off the highest point on the monkey bars? Which would do nothing except maybe send that shooting pain through both ankles that you get when you run in the cold for the first time in awhile.

I’m going to talk about my dream career. I think I have a general idea of what it could be, but going about getting it proves to be, like most things in life, a little confusing.

Here’s a list of stuff I enjoy doing that I would very much enjoy getting paid to do:

  1. Eating donuts. This one is just for my own personal enjoyment, because I don’t know how I could get paid eating donuts unless I became a food blogger/celebrity of some sort who endorsed a specific company and got to eat donuts for free. Luckily, they aren’t that expensive, so I’ll stick with being a recreational donut-eater. Here’s to you, Blue Dot.
  2. Writing about fulfilling goals, maintaining adult friendships, chasing dreams, etc. I love this stuff. I love encouraging people, empowering women, and being my loved ones’ biggest cheerleader. Now to find a magazine, online journal, or newspaper to hire me full-time to be a columnist. Huffington Post? The Every Girl? HelloGiggles?
  3. Writing about funny and embarrassing things that happen to me. This is where I would reach out to Mindy Kaling and/or Tina Fey and ask them if they could hook a sister up with a writing gig for their TV show. We aren’t BFFs though (yet). But soon.
  4. Traveling. Where does one get paid to travel and write about their discoveries? Because that sure would be swell. I would tote my little laptop around the world with me and write ALL SORTS OF THINGS. This is where an online presence comes into play. Good thing I’m all over the Google.
  5. Pretending to be someone I’m not. Most people call this “acting,” as in on a stage or on film, but I’d totally get paid to pretend like I’m a licensed life coach if the price is right.
  6. Life coaching. This is something I have seriously considered. Did you know that in 18 months time, you can become a certified life coach, attract your own clientele, and boom, you have a business? I’m sure it’s much more complicated than that. Like, you need a website, business cards, suits for networking events, a boss online presence (which I have because I’m so famous*~), etc. Basically it’s a lot of work, but the idea of Skyping and emailing with people who want to talk to me and pay me for life direction seems pretty great, since I do it all of the time already and have yet to see a single cent earned from it (I’m looking at you, friends and family. Pay up).
  7. Portraying Aaron Burr in the touring company of Hamilton. This one seems far fetched, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.
  8. Writing books. Before you get too excited and think I’m going to be the next J.K. Rowling, think again. I’m not into that whole fiction stuff. I can’t keep up with it. It’s too much pretend. I like non-fiction, but embellished. Like a real Chanel bag that your baby cousin glued cheap rhinestones too because she thought she was doing you a service. Like that. I want to be the bedazzled Chanel bags of the non-fiction novel world.
  9. Napping. I could be a professional sleep study patient, but I really enjoy my daily dose of Vitamin D, so this wouldn’t work. Scratch that.

See? I have skills. Now is when I lump them all together and figure out what to do with my life. If you have any leads, you know where to find me, and I mean on the Internet, because I’d be pretty weirded out if you, a potential stranger, tracked me down in real life. That’s like when someone rings your doorbell and you freak the hell out because HOW DARE THEY UTILIZE YOUR DOORBELL FOR IT’S ACTUAL PURPOSE?

If you need me, I’ll be buried under my multiple pros/cons lists and probably some empty coffee cups.

Have a great Monday!

What do you think?