You Were Hydrating On Sunday By That Street Sign Downtown… (w4m)

“Well, I did drink liquids on the Sabbath Day… and I WAS downtown! I mean, not this past weekend, but at one point in my life, I have been downtown. IT’S ME. SHE’S TALKING ABOUT ME.”


Craigslist Missed Connections. Why are they considered “romantic,” and why does everyone want to find one written about them (myself included)?  What’s romantic about someone wanting to talk to someone, chickening out, and then using technology as a poor attempt to connect with the person? Not everyone reads these, you know. I mean, I totally do, but not everyone. And Dear Poetic Audubon Guy, the lovely lady in the navy romper will probably never read the haiku you wrote her about her body sweat bringing you joy. And if she did, she’d run for the hills, because that is creepy as eff.

Answer me this: when Grandpa thought Grandma was a doll, did he not say anything to her and send a carrier pigeon out into the abyss with a letter tied to it’s ankle addressed to “the brunette standing on that dirt road one time” in hopes that it falls onto her lap whilst she crochets one morning on her porch?

Did he?

No. No, he did not. He marched his little dude butt up to her (and he was probs totes nervous) and said, “Hey, brunette. I think you’re a doll. Can I take you on a walk later and show you my cattle farm?” And she said yes. And they went on a walk. And he showed her those cows. And then fell in love.

Verbal communication really gets you places in life. We are a testament to that.

Try it out.

You think someone’s handsome or pretty? Tell them.

You want someone’s number? Ask for it.

You have an impressive cattle collection and think that will help you win the hand of a lady? Then show off those Holsteins, for goodness sake.

holsteinYou do you, boo.
Because, though there are things in life that are not worth the risk (ex. free falling into the Grand Canyon and potentially falling to your death/eating four day old Chinese food), love is not one of them.

Everyone should risk it all for love.

“Love is all you need.” – The Beatles

“… and the greatest of these is love.” – The Creed of Zeta Tau Alpha

“I know you’re tired of lovin’, of lovin’
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody
Close your eyes and let the world paint a thousand pictures
One good girl is worth a thousand bitches
Bound to fall in love
Bound to fall in love” – Kanye West/Ye/Yeezy/The Louis Vuitton Don/Konman



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