Before I hang up the phone with my grandma or before I leave from a visit, the last thing she always says to me is “go with God.” Sometimes I chuckle and say, “He’s coming to the bar with me, Wilma?” Sometimes I just nod and smile. And then sometimes I let those words sit in my heart for awhile, and I focus on them, replaying it over and over in my head.
My grandma (or great-grandma, rather) is 93-years-old. She introduced me to the theatre when I was a young child. She believed in me playing the piano, even though I never wanted to do it. She came to every dance recital, every soccer game, and every play I’ve ever been in ever since. I owe a lot of what I have to her. Without her, I wouldn’t have most of what I have now, especially wisdom and faith.
Over the years, I’ve watched her change. She’s always been sharp, still is, but she’s becoming more fragile as the days go by. Her eyes still sparkle, but they’re tired now, though they still light up whenever my mom walks into the room or I tell her about an acting victory, to which she always responds, “Oh, I just can’t wait to see you get your first big role. It’s going to happen. I know it’s going to happen.”
I believe her.
Our relationship over the past few months has been rocky, and I have my busy schedule to blame. Today, after a talk with my mom while grocery shopping, I was reminded of how short life is and how it’s scary when you grow older, outliving your family, friends, and living inside of a body that doesn’t perform how it used to.
I spent the day with my grandma today. We shared a meal together and talked about our lives and baked pumpkin bread and told each other we loved the other. I got her water when she was thirsty. I held her hand and let her caress my skin like she used to when I was a child. I hugged her extra tightly today, hoping she could feel the love I have for her in my heartbeat.
I don’t typically share such personal information with people, especially through a vessel such as this, but, today, I felt compelled to document it. I felt compelled to share it with the readers of this blog. With you.
The truth of the matter is that we don’t know how long we have on earth. We don’t know when we’re going to take our last breath, what the last thing we’ll say will be, if people will know of our love for them.
So live in the moment.
Tell people you love them.
And, most importantly, go with God.
Talk to y’all soon,