Let the Freaking Out Commence

It’s noon on Thursday. I already have a morning shift, trip to the Post Office, and half a bag of Original Chex Mix under my belt. Literally. That Chex Mix will probably turn into a muffin top or something.

Aside from being very tired, I am also very anxious. Those two feelings coupled with four shots of espresso and an iced coffee make for a very twitchy Kaitlyn. Have you ever seen a horse’s ear constantly flick around when there’s a fly buzzing around it? That’s what I look like… except, I’m not a horse’s ear, and there aren’t any flies around me. Thank God.

Tomorrow morning, at precisely 7am, I leave for Atlanta, GA for my very first callback with my Atlanta agent, and I am flipping… my… SHIT. As if auditioning doesn’t scare me senseless enough, now I’m auditioning in front of the director and producer for the film and I’m traveling 7+ hours to do so. What the eff. SCARY.

I keep reminding myself that this is a good thing. A great thing. An excellent thing. It’s an honor and a privilege and a validation of my talents, which is what I was bitching about needing the other day. Don’t all actors and artists?

And I finally got it.

A chance for a win.

I’m stoked, and you know I’m stoked because I never use the word “stoked.” I can’t wait to walk in the audition room and just say, “HI!” I’ll want to run up and kiss and hug everyone in the room but 1) the flu is going around and 2) that’s weird. Instead, I’ll politely wave and greet them with my best impression of a Southerner.

“Hey, y’all,” I’ll say, as I flash my pearly whites.

“Booked,” they’ll say, smitten by my charm and elegance.

Or something like that.

I’m nervous as eff, though. Like, for real. I’m going to be a basket case on Saturday morning. I’ll need to remember to breathe and focus and know that I am meant to be there. I was invited. They want to see me. Me.

My lines are learned. My headshots are printed and my resumes are updated. My mind is racing, but my heart is ready. My soul is ready.

There’s no room for growth within your comfort zone, only when you’re out of your element.

I’ve never been to Atlanta.

I’ve never felt this uncomfortable.

But if there’s one thing that I do know for sure (other than my lines), it’s that I’m ready to grow.

I’m damn ready.

Talk to y’all soon,


What do you think?