The sarcastic being in me wanted to just say “stay inside”, but I figured, for your sake, I’ll make it a little more interesting.
Indulge in your snowball cravings.
Okay, here’s the thing. It’s HOT as balls (soccer balls whizzing by foreign faces in the World Cup, don’t be gross) in New Orleans during the summer. Around 3:30PM today, after waking up from a cat nap, I had one of those, “Wtf is happening to my FACE” moments. I stepped out into the heat and wanted to drop dead, but I knew what awaited me. A snowball from this little stand at this end of this little street. I ordered half spearmint/half bubblegum (aka “Popeye”) topped with gummy bears. And it was good.
Despite the fact that snowballs are all sugar and could make you fat/feel sluggish/damn near close to becoming diabetic, they’re little cups of icy heaven, and YOU NEED THEM. It’s a rule.
Some of my favorite places include:
Plum Street Snoball – I recommend the “Ice Coffee” flavor. It is HEAVEN, and if you’re a coffee fanatic, like myself, you’ll be all smile from happiness and a sugar high. Also, cream of nectar or whatever the fuh. WHO KNOWS. Just try it!
Ro-Bears Snowballs & Soft Serve – Ok, forget the soft serve. The Orchid Creme Vanilla snowball is where it’s AT, ya heard me? They also have a killer root beer flavored snowball and this snowball called “Popeye”. I don’t think it’s on their menu anymore, but trust me when I tell you to order half bubblegum/half spearmint. It’s the color of spinach, and tastes nothing like it. Every kid and, let’s be honest, grown-ups dream!
Hansen’s Sno-Bliz – I love everything about this place, especially their satsuma snowball. It’s tart, it’s tangy, it’s perfection. Also, you can get cool souvenir cups here, as well as…wait for it… a banana’s foster snowball. YOU HEARD ME. This snowball is topped with caramelized bananas and
crack sugary love.
Don’t fear bathing suits
Ok, listen to me. I am a girl, and I have experienced my fair share of body image issues. I remember the first time I was called fat. It was in first grade, and this evil being laughed and said, “You’re fat!” I immediately became obsessive over what I ate, how I looked, etc. It was a nightmare. It also didn’t help that I was a dancer at the time (ballet, to be exact). For twelve years, and still to this day, I often fear food and stress about how I look. It’s stupid, and I’m ashamed to admit that these people got to me.
But you know what? SCREW THEM. I don’t care if you’re a male, female, undecided, both, WHATEVER. YOU are beautiful, and your body is beautiful, and your mind and spirit are beautiful. So rock that damn bikini, and to anyone to even dares to say an evil word to you or throw a rude glance your way, just flip them off or punch them in the face. If they have an issue with either one of those things, just direct them to me, and I’ll take care of them for you.
Life is too short to not eat dessert, spend far too many hours crying over your “imperfections”, which are not imperfect, btw, and not wear your favorite bikini/speedo. ROCK IT. You’re awesome.
Always wear sunscreen
I don’t care if you’re golden brown and think you’re J-Lo, you will burn in New Orleans during the summer. Take it from someone who has spent far too many summers the color of a crawfish. It ain’t pretty. Plus, it makes your skin angry and increases your risk for skin cancer, which is no bueno.
Say yes to spending time with friends
I love my alone time. Truly. I cherish it, because it’s few and far between these days. But one thing I love even more is a night out with friends. Go to a new bar, drink until 2am, and laugh your little booty off, because you ain’t gettin’ any younger.
Don’t swim in Lake Pontchartrain
Find your own personal solution to chaffing
Because it will happen. And it will not be nice. I hear Gold Bond works wonders.
Be a tourist
I HIGHLY condone being a tourist in your own city. For New Orleanians, this means having beignets at Cafe du Monde, going to the zoo/aquarium/riverwalk, visit the D-Day Museum, dine at all the cool restaurants, get drunk off of hand grenades on Bourbon (or, like, not, because Bourbon is seriously disgusting), go to trendy bars, visit local coffee shops, take a lame kissy picture in front of Jackson Square, and avoid any and every puddle you see, because I promise you it is not stagnant water.
There you have it, folks. Just gracing the tip of the iceberg on things to do in New Orleans for the summer. I’m sure I could think of a LOT more, but I’m kind of ADD, and I also have work in an hour, which means I need to find some pants.
Talk to y’all soon,