The Bread and Butter Pickle & Me

Closing last night at work was the death of me. I worked 3pm-9pm, but it felt like I was there for an ETERNITY. At the beginning of my shift, it was pretty consistent. I was slinging espresso and pouring iced coffee like a boss, but around 4:30, everyone stopped coming in. And there I was, listening to the Lovedrug station on Pandora, alone.

Typically, I do a good job of entertaining myself when I’m bored. I’ll sift through the apps on my phone (like this one time I actually read the missed connections section on Craigslist – you know you’ve done it – but instead of curing my boredom, I fell into a deep and dark depression because these people didn’t have the balls to talk to these girls/guys in person, and now they’ll never know them).

*Side note: Why are humans so afraid to talk to other humans? I’m pretty sure we’re designed to actually form words with our mouths and spit them at other people, then the other person catches it with their brain, and the cycle continues. This is how friendships are created, and also how you contract mono. But, hey, having friends is worth catching a cold. Basically, what I’m saying, is that I’d catch strep throat for you.

Back to entertaining myself when I’m bored…

Aside from creeping on Craigslist and potentially getting a Lifetime movie written after me, I also read… articles on Buzzfeed. Not books. That’s asking too much. I’m notorious for taking those quizzes, too. You know which ones I’m talking about? “Which Mean Girl Are You?” “Which Shakespearean Character Are You?” “Are You the Right Astrological Sign?”

To answer: Regina George/Lady Macbeth/and I don’t know, because I got too ADD to finish the quiz. Being dubbed as Regina George and Lady Macbeth kind of concerned me, though, so now I’m being conscientious of my “resting bitch face” and trying to smile more.

As I get older, I’ve noticed that it’s harder and harder for me to entertain myself. I tend to get over things pretty quickly, and I have to move onto something else. I think that’s noticeable in my posts, because I kind of hop from topic to topic and I also have a lot of “side notes” that are really just mini novels. This disorder (I’ve decided it’s an actual disorder), is even more difficult to deal with when you’re confined to the four, yellow walls of your workplace. Like, I can only sweep and rearrange the bagels so much, ya hurd me?

Thankfully, our late closer at work last night is super duper awesome and even came in a little early to keep me company. She found me sitting on the counter top draped over my crossed legs, as if I had been shot in the middle of a campfire song or something. It was a tragic mess. We changed Pandora to dirty rap, though, and then we had a dance party. Let’s just say things got steamy (they didn’t, but for the sake of the blog). SO STEAMY. LIKE SAUNA HOT.

Around 7:45pm is when the real magic happened, though. A couple wandered into the coffee shop, and, after ordering, took a seat at the big, round table in the front of the store. They were keeping to themselves for the most part, but then asked me for directions, which got us to talking.

Being the nosy little bugger that I am, I asked where they were from and what brought them to New Orleans.

“Washington D.C.”

That explains the rude comment she made to me when I gave her black iced tea instead of asking if she’d prefer mango. When someone orders an iced tea, I go straight for black, because it’s the normal one. No one is sitting at home thinking, “Man! What I would give for an iced tea. A mango iced tea specifically!” Those northerners and their ‘tudes.

Turns out, they’re down here for a wedding and will be here through Friday. They’ve mainly stayed in the Quarter, which I understand. Tourists always go there first. They, of course, went to Pat O’s and had hurricanes, which were “horrible” according to this woman. Don’t diss the ‘canes, ma’am. Bourbon, hate on all you want, because it smells like piss and beer, but the hurricane? Leave it be.

They asked for suggestions for things to do, and because all I ever think about is food, I went straight for the restaurant recommendations.

1. Atchafalaya for brunch. I went there a few months back and ordered two hundred mimosas and the Eggs Treme, which is essentially eggs benedict topped with spicy, popcorn crawfish. Instead of an English muffin, everything is placed gracefully on top of boudin cakes. Basically, it changed my life, and since I care about people, I want to change their lives for the better too.

2. District Donuts because duh. I told them about their wide variety of specialty donuts and how addicting they are. Their faces lit up, as they should. I also bragged about their super awesome nitro cold brew, which is iced coffee on tap mixed with lactose, so it looks and sort of tastes like stout. So amazing.

3. Commander’s Palace because it’s really popular. I’ve actually never been, but I am aware that they have .25 cent martinis during lunch (max 4 per person), so you can get throwed while you eat a sandwich! Perfect! They seem a little uptight, so maybe getting drunk on a dollar will do them some good.

I also mentioned Mimi’s in the Marigny, which the woman insisted wasn’t a thing.

“Oh, yes it is,” I said.

“No,” she said.

“… Nope, pretty sure it’s a place,” I said.

“Nah,” she said.

I give up.

After chatting about food for awhile, we transitioned into “So what do you do?”

“I’m an actor,” I tell them.

They had no idea the film industry was so big down here. I’m like, what? Do you live under a rock, or is D.C. like, closed off to the rest of America? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it was. Maybe they’re just hermits, which wouldn’t surprise me either. They did earn cool points when they referenced Drew Brees (because he’s totes Hollywood now) and also the movie Mud, which I’ve yet to see, but I’m all aboard this Mcconaissance. I also talked about the theatres down here, and how you have a wide range of historic, functioning theatres, as well as the newer, more progressive companies. They seemed interested. I liked that.

Around 8:15, I figured I should actually do my job, so I wished them a good night and a happy stay, and off they went.

It was pretty refreshing talking to new people, especially people who are unfamiliar with the city in which I love most. They were baffled that we go out on Sunday nights here and that bars are open past 2am, which is so bizarre to think that other cities don’t do these things. I love New Orleans, man. I always have, but it’s nice to be reminded every once in awhile that your city rocks.

If you’ve never visited New Orleans before, I suggest doing so immediately. If you have (or if you currently live here), here’s a virtual pat on the back for making excellent life choices.

Time for me to head to ye olde workplace. Maybe I’ll get to chat with some more out-of-towners tonight. Or maybe I’ll be so bored that I stab my eyes out with sporks. The possibilities are endless, really.

Talk to y’all soon,


P.S. I meant to elaborate on my title in this post, but couldn’t really find a place for it to fit. So I’ll just leave the interpretation up to you guys. It’s more fun that way.

What do you think?