The holiday season has come and gone, and as we wave goodbye to the year before, we begin to look forward and welcome the new year ahead, both fearful and excited for what it might bring. New Year’s resolutions are running wild, and our notes app is probably filled with ways we can change ourselves to become “better.”
Losing weight is one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions for people to add to their list and hope for in the new year, and while I understand it because I’ve experienced it, I won’t be adding it to my list this year. Here’s why.
My New Year’s Resolutions and Why Losing Weight Isn’t One Of Them
If I had a dollar for every year I made a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, I would have approximately 20 dollars, meaning I started worrying about my weight at the tender age of 6 after I was called fat for the very first time by a girl named Willa. Hi, Willa.
This also means that, even last year, I thought to myself, “I should lose weight this year.”
Loving and accepting our bodies the way they are today is a struggle for us all, and it’s something I’ve battled with for years.
I’ve bought into the diet fads like not eating carbs, using Hydroxycut to suppress my appetite and even taking Midol more than I should because it made me not want to eat.
I’ve been there.
Society likes to try and tell us that there’s only one way to look, and if we don’t look that way, we aren’t worthy, and if we aren’t worthy, we can’t be loved, and if we can’t be loved, then why do we even exist so give-us-your-money-and-we’ll-make-you-loveable.
It’s a never-ending cycle of shame, and it gets us every single year around this time after we’ve “indulged too much” over the holidays and need to “get back on track” in the new year.
Pardon my language, but f*ck that.
It is absolutely maddening that businesses earn a profit from making people feel like shit about themselves. By poking at your insecurities, stripping you of your confidence and telling you that their product will make you better.
Quick-fix diets don’t work. Before and after pictures are bullsh*t (unless they work for you, meaning they serve as inspiration for you to continue on your positive fitness journey and don’t make you feel like less of a human for not being a sample size).
You are worth so much more than feeling like you need to suppress your appetite by using a chemically-laced liquid that you bought at Walgreens so you can be worthy of love from others and love from yourself.
I have battled with disordered eating, body dysmorphia and more for most of my life and I know the importance of leading a healthy lifestyle all too well. Sometimes I thrive in treating my body and mind with care, but sometimes I don’t. I’ve learned something throughout the years, and it’s helped me in my darker days. What I’ve learned is “healthy” doesn’t look a certain way. It feels a certain way.
Healthy doesn’t look a certain way.
Healthy feels a certain way.
When I was in high school and weighing 125 pounds, which was my lowest “adult” weight, I was not healthy. I was starving myself during the day and eating 18 million pounds of animal crackers at night and then hating myself for it.
My body was starved of nutrients and my world was inundated with ads and commercials and other girls in school telling me I wasn’t good enough.
And I believed them for awhile. I believed those girls.
This year, I’m giving the finger to everyone who has made me feel worthless because of my weight and my size. This year, I’m not telling myself I need to lose weight to be better or happier. And you shouldn’t either.
Because we are more than the number on a scale.
Because we are more than the size of our clothes.
Because health and wellness doesn’t look a certain way, it feels a certain way.
Because health should be viewed as a lifestyle and not a quick fix way to fit into a smaller size.
Because you are PERFECT the way you are. There is no “right” size. There isn’t. You are the right size for you. I am the right size for me. And if it goes up, it goes up and if it goes down, it goes down and if it never ever changes, that doesn’t mean you are unlovable or any less of a human.
I no longer weigh myself. Numbers just don’t work for me, and my body’s weight isn’t an indication of my health.
I eat a balanced diet. I drink water. I take my daily concoction of vitamins and supplements, but I also indulge in chocolate whenever I want it. I exercise my body in ways that feel good. I exercise my mind daily, reminding myself that a number on a scale does not define me, and neither do people in the media or a rude former classmate.
I try every single day to remind myself that food and my skewed perception of my body are not the boss of me.
I fight back when I find myself looking in the mirror and cringing. I fight back when I’m eating dessert and a little voice in my head asks, “Do you really want to eat that?”
I fight back.
Because I am worthy.
All however many pounds of me.
With my stretchmarks and cellulite.
With my mind that still tries to tell me I’m hideous from time to time.
With my pimples and uneven skin tone.
With my not-so-perfectly straight teeth.
With hair that when left to air dry looks like that one character from the Labyrinth.
Please, please stop letting other people define your worth, especially people who just want to hurt you on purpose.
Your size does not define you.
You define you.
So show the world who you are, and don’t let someone who doesn’t love you capitalize off of making you feel like anything less than a powerful, strong, intelligent, fierce and badass woman who is sexy as hell.
This year, I’m not adding “losing weight” to my New Year’s resolutions.
Because we are more than what a scale reads. We are more than the names that Willa from 1st grade calls us. We are more than the size on our jeans.
This year, I am adding “love myself more,” because in a world that tries to strip us of self-love and fill us with self-loathing, the least we can do for ourselves is squash the hatred and fill it with love.
And I hope you add that too.
You define you.
And you’re the boss.
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Question of the Day!
Do you make New Year’s resolutions? If so, share with me one you’re hoping to implement in the new year. If not, why?