Have a fear? Read on to kick it in the butt and make it your b*tch.
“You’re either in or you’re out.” – Heidi Klum, possibly talking about kicking fear in the butt or staying afraid forever
I have never considered myself to be a competitor.
The idea of competing with people has just never appealed to me. It could be that competition can spark aggression, or it could be that I never believed in myself enough to think I could actually win.
It’s probably most definitely 100 percent the latter.
I grew up competing constantly. I was in competitive dance for 12 years, competed in piano recitals, acting competitions in college and more. Post-graduation, I began competing in what we know as job hunting and interviews, hoping to land a super sweet gig that paid me a living wage and also provided benefits, which is actually NOT easy to find.
Despite my aversion to it, competition is around us constantly. It’s kind of the way life works, isn’t it? Trying your damnedest for someone else to like you and say, “Okay, you’re worthy of this! Here you go.”
But what happens when you seek and acquire approval from others, but you don’t have approval from yourself?
Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to make everyone else happy, and it’s still something I concern myself with today.
Do they like me?
Is he happy with me?
Are they just inviting me to their party because they feel sorry for me or do they really want me there?
This is attributed to my own anxieties, as well as my lack of belief in myself, which, honestly, is the biggest crock of sh-t in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
How are we supposed to expect other people to believe in us when we don’t even believe in ourselves? Like, what the?
So I decided to make a change.
And this change happened recently.
I decided that I was sick of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, “Eh, you could be better.” I decided that I would no longer let my skewed perception of my body ruin my day, that food would no longer control me, and that I would wake up every morning and going to bed every evening adoring every kick ass inch of my mind, body and spirit.
And then I did something crazy.
Something I never thought I would do.
Something I never thought I would want to do.
Something that will hurt, make me push myself, most definitely make me cry and say bad words, something I will sometimes love but sometimes hate, something that will require mind over matter and a lot of practice, discipline, Epsom salt baths and really good running shoes…
I signed up to run my first EVER half-marathon.
On March 10, 2018, I will be running 13.1 miles in Washington DC for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Half-Marathon with hundreds of other people who are embarking on their own personal journey and challenge, just like me.
I don’t know why this distance has always scared me, but it has. So instead of wonder if I could ever run this distance, I’ve decided to prove to myself that I can.
I have never run more than 5 miles at one time in my life, and I’ve only done that once. It was at last year’s Turkey Trot, and I was promised apple cider cocktails and stuffing afterward, which is the only reason why I did it.
Well, that and Felix and I had super cute DIY costumes that I wanted to show off to all of Del Ray.
I wouldn’t call myself a natural runner, which is precisely why I’m taking on this challenge. Running is hard. It’s taxing on your body, your breath and your mind. I can’t even count the number of times I have stopped running simply because I told myself I couldn’t do it.
As a matter of fact, I went for a 3 mile run this weekend, and I wanted to quit at least four times. There were hills that were hard to tackle and I hadn’t had coffee and I really wanted donuts.
But I didn’t freaking quit. Not once. Because while it’s okay to quit some things , it’s not okay to quit this. Not for me. Not anymore.
I muttered to myself over and over again, “You’re stronger than you think,” and when that one stopped working, I moved onto, “Your body isn’t tired. Your mind is.”
And I said that over and over until I started believing myself.
So I’m showing up.
I’m showing up to the race.
I’m showing up to my fear.
I’m showing up to look it straight in the face and make it my b*tch.
Because fears are meant to be squashed, and I believe that if I can conquer this, I can conquer anything.
I’ll be posting all about my training on the blog and Instagram, which begins Nov. 20! I’ve decided to follow Run, Selfie, Repeat’s 16-week training program, which has me running 4 days a week with my longer run scheduled for the weekend.
I want to chat about what I’m learning, how I’m fueling and everything in-between, even the shitty moments. Especially the shitty moments. The moments when my mantras aren’t working, the times where it’s hard to get out of bed and hit the pavement.
I’m talking about all of it, and I hope you stick around.
For anyone out there who has a fear, I say to you what I said to myself and that is to run toward it full steam ahead.
Knock it down with a force so strong it never shows up again.
Make your fear your b*tch.
You’re stronger than you think.
Your body isn’t tired. Your mind is.
Thanks for stopping by the blog today, and thanks for reading if you made it this far! If you want to go on a run with me, post a picture of yourself on social media and tag #poweredbysass and #runwithsass. I would LOVE to follow your journey! Let’s do this together.
Question of the Day!
Have you ever run a half-marathon? Do you have tips or a story to share?
What’s a fear of yours that you want to tackle and how do you plan to do it?